Arh..~ i have been through alot. Alot man... Looking for a college to pursued my studies, and still have more to think of my life. Not really quite satisfied with my life right now. I still have more to learn. Have to be more mature.
Sometimes i just kinda hate myself for being so stupid and stuff. Keep saying the wrong word at the wrong time. Why do i end up like this. Life is hard when you step into adulthood, now only did I realize. Well, thats me man..sometimes i kinda jealous of you all that are enjoying your wonderful life everyday. smiling to people..laughing at jokes.. well to me is hard, i can hardly get any friends through communicate with them, perhaps i lack of humour in me.
I can't make them laugh...My jokes sucks. because of my language speaking i guess. realy regretting not taking chinese.. :( as i mostly speak chinese to my freinds. I feel so powerless. Everyday, i will always have my mind thinking, why am i born like this. I shud be proud of myself. but i still have this feeling that i will feel so lonely when no ones talk to me.
I want someone to laugh with me. talk to me. share their story with me. Share their joy with me. and most importantly I want to show my good reputation to everyone. To show a good image but sadly right now i am just that kind of person that r so blurr and dont have any good talent at doing things.
So at the moment, I will always have this fear when talking to others people. I scare they will not enjoy talking to me.
Maybe is all because i'm not good enough to be a better person. Everytime i open my mouth I speak rubbish. Being too sacarstic nor too kind also will hurt others feeling. i really dont know how am i suppose to get everyone attention. I feel so minor in a way. feel so ignored...and lonely at the same time. :(
So that is why i have to change. i know that i have to change. I can't stay like this forever.
have to be more brave and responsible when facing problem.
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